RELATIONSHIPS

BIGGER THAN YOU

 A few words that readily come to mind when you think about singleness are 'alone', maybe, 'unattached'.  A single person is one that is not 'coupled' with another in a marriage relationship, not attached (although they could possibly be in a courtship). As it is a preamble to marriage itself, surely it must be a thing of joy to be single and waiting. It should a period of active-joyful expectation and not a time of patient-inactivity.

The life cycle of a butterfly comes to mind when I think of the Christian singleness. To the outside world, the larva while in it’s’ cocoon; a protective silk case, appears lonely, dry, restricted, sometimes ugly, hard, isolated, and unattractive. In this state, you hardly see movements and the incompletely formed insect appears stagnant- the whole process could take several weeks. However, in that tiny cocoon, one of God's greatest transformations occurs and we eventually see the emergence of the butterfly, beautifully arrayed in some of the best colour combinations no 'ankara' designer can match.

Christian singles are sometimes misled by people in or out of the body of Christ who portray singleness as a thing to loathe and a state to be escaped from at all cost. In the efforts of this ‘good-willing people’ to 'encourage' singles to look forward to marriage they plant doubt, dismay, despair and sometimes depression. You are, sometimes, made to see yourself as someone that ought to be pitied and not celebrated. Some singles stop attending seminars and workshops to avoid the 'shame' attached to attending yearly with no evidence of progress (i.e. the initiation of a courtship). The single Christians then begin to consider themselves as second-class citizens, and anxiety sets in. (The butterfly-in-making begins to seek a premature exit from its cocoon).

However, in scriptures, we see a different perspective. We have examples of people who were single and yet content. They got married eventually and maintained an undying service to God (e.g. Isaac, Mary, Joseph). Some were single and content throughout their lives (e.g., Daniel, Paul).

 Be content with the cocoon while you are wrapped in it, for it is an essential pre-requisite to your glorious exit into marriage. Actually, enjoy your cocoon while it is, for once you are out, you are!

Now you may ask; “What must I do, while I wait?”, “How do I make my existence count for much, while in the “cocoon”?”Let's go back to the beginning.

Before God gave Adam, the first single man, the bone of his bone and the flesh of his flesh, He gave him tasks. Adam was asked to care for the things that matter to God. All of God's creatures were put in Adam’s care as God’s representative on earth. Adam was not waiting in the corner for his 'consolation' (his wife), he was busy. It was never mentioned that Adam was desperate for a wife (although I am sure he had the longings that are common to all men), neither was it mentioned that he was dissatisfied with the state of singleness in which he was. He fellowshipped with God and learnt what it meant to please God.

Take your eyes off of yourself, your needs, your longings and your desires. The fantasies are just illusions and distractions from the devil aimed contending with God's purpose for your life. Burn the romantic novels; destroy everything that seeks to make you a slave to despair and depression.  Set your heart on God, His desires, His pleasures, and His delight- those are bigger, and of more eternal benefit.

BOLADE ADESOKAN